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00:00:01,483 --> 00:00:04,183
[MUSIC PLAYING]
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I am so sick of all this snow.
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00:00:10,160 --> 00:00:11,100
Mm.
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00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:13,273
There's a pigeon
frozen to the windowsill.
5
00:00:14,150 --> 00:00:15,170
Oh, gee.
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00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:17,480
Look at this gorgeous
tanned family
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relaxing on the beach.
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00:00:19,660 --> 00:00:21,470
Oh! Who is that
attractive brunette
9
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,350
in the background there?
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00:00:23,383 --> 00:00:26,373
Oh, gee, you know,
that must be the nanny.
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00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,000
No.
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00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:30,660
No, it couldn't be.
Her mouth's closed.
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00:00:31,483 --> 00:00:33,103
You know, actually,
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this does look
very inviting.
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00:00:34,216 --> 00:00:35,246
Mm-hmm.
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00:00:35,283 --> 00:00:37,203
I suppose we
could
all do with a
break.
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00:00:37,233 --> 00:00:39,183
Hey, let's go
to the Cayman Club.
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00:00:39,216 --> 00:00:40,296
Oh, yeah.
19
00:00:40,333 --> 00:00:42,183
They've got that
fabulous teen
program.
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00:00:42,216 --> 00:00:45,326
Oh... too bad
you're only
12.
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00:00:45,660 --> 00:00:46,420
Oh, yeah,
but you can be unpopular
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00:00:46,450 --> 00:00:49,500
with a whole new
bunch of kids.
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00:00:49,483 --> 00:00:51,103
Best of all,
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00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:52,373
they have a separate dining room
for children.
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00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,000
I don't care,
as long as I get some color.
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00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:57,170
Wait a minute.
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00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,380
Kids' programs,
separate dining rooms.
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00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,276
What kind of place
is this?
29
00:01:00,316 --> 00:01:02,216
It sounds like you guys
would never see each other.
30
00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,330
Well, yeah.
31
00:01:03,366 --> 00:01:04,396
That's kind of the point.
32
00:01:04,433 --> 00:01:06,273
It's a vacation.
33
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:10,160
A family vacation
you spend with your family.
34
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,300
We spent every summer
together in Miami.
35
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:14,403
How could you go to Miami
in the summer?
36
00:01:14,433 --> 00:01:17,183
Easy, drive south
and hang a left at
hell.
37
00:01:19,433 --> 00:01:21,473
Wasn't it hot
and humid and gross?
38
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:23,450
Yeah, but it was
off-season rates,
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00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:25,233
so we got to stay twice as long.
40
00:01:25,266 --> 00:01:26,396
Plus, the Fountainbleu
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00:01:26,433 --> 00:01:29,153
had this fabulous
seafood extravaganza.
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00:01:29,183 --> 00:01:30,373
Oh, buffet tip:
43
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,370
Always go past the rolls,
right to the lobster and shrimp.
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00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,450
Did you write that down, Niles?
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00:01:35,483 --> 00:01:37,423
It's all up here, sir.
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Oh, you guys'll have
such a great time,
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00:01:40,233 --> 00:01:41,453
and you'll come back
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00:01:41,483 --> 00:01:43,183
with a whole new
lease on life.
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00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:44,296
Of course,
I'll still be here,
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00:01:44,333 --> 00:01:45,453
saddled with
the old lease--
Miss
Fine.
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00:01:45,483 --> 00:01:47,183
Shoveling snow
in the walkway.
Miss Fine.
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00:01:47,216 --> 00:01:48,396
Probably fall,
break my head.
53
00:01:48,433 --> 00:01:50,403
Oh, you'll pick me up
when you get back.
Miss
Fine!
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00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:52,003
What?
55
00:01:52,330 --> 00:01:53,280
If I'm
traveling
with the
children,
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00:01:53,316 --> 00:01:55,396
naturally I expect
the nanny to accompany
us.
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00:01:55,433 --> 00:01:57,223
Oh...
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00:01:57,250 --> 00:02:00,430
How kind of you to think of me.
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00:02:00,466 --> 00:02:02,226
What about Niles,
though?
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00:02:02,266 --> 00:02:04,196
Don't you want
a little peace and quiet?
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00:02:04,233 --> 00:02:07,253
Desperately.
How soon can you all pack?
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00:02:07,283 --> 00:02:08,323
Oh...
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00:02:11,366 --> 00:02:13,196
♪♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪♪
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00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,423
♪♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪♪
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♪♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪♪
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00:02:16,133 --> 00:02:17,383
♪♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪♪
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00:02:17,416 --> 00:02:19,166
♪♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪♪
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00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,420
♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪
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00:02:22,450 --> 00:02:24,500
♪♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪♪
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00:02:24,830 --> 00:02:25,450
♪♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪♪
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00:02:25,483 --> 00:02:27,453
♪♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪♪
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00:02:27,483 --> 00:02:29,663
♪♪ She had style,
she had flair ♪♪
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00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:30,230
♪♪ She was there ♪♪
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00:02:30,266 --> 00:02:33,266
♪♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪♪
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00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,120
♪♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪♪
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00:02:36,150 --> 00:02:38,400
♪♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪♪
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00:02:38,433 --> 00:02:40,203
♪♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪♪
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00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:41,433
♪♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪♪
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00:02:41,466 --> 00:02:43,096
♪♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪♪
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00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:44,173
♪♪ Such joie de vivre ♪♪
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00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,370
♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪
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00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:50,160
♪♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪♪
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00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,830
♪♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪♪
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00:02:52,116 --> 00:02:53,416
♪♪ The nanny named Fran ♪♪
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00:03:03,216 --> 00:03:06,146
A vacation?
That's a splendid idea.
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00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:08,503
I've been dying to get away.
87
00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:10,160
Well, now's your chance,
since I'll be out of town.
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00:03:10,500 --> 00:03:11,660
Oh.
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00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,130
I hear Club Med has
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00:03:13,166 --> 00:03:15,496
a "desperate women with
no prospects" package.
91
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:18,470
It's a waste of money.
92
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,120
So I've heard.
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00:03:21,150 --> 00:03:23,370
Oh, C.C., you know
we'd like to take you with us,
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00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,400
but this is really a time for me
to be alone with the family.
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00:03:25,433 --> 00:03:28,473
Woo-hoo, Mr. Sheffield!
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00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,120
Oh, wait till you see
the adorable bathing
suit
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00:03:32,150 --> 00:03:33,470
I got
for the
honeymoon--
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00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,450
I mean, the vacation.
99
00:03:38,330 --> 00:03:41,330
Oh, Grace will look very cute
in that.
100
00:03:41,660 --> 00:03:43,120
What Grace?
This is for
me.
101
00:03:43,150 --> 00:03:45,170
If we're going
to Gilligan's
Island,
102
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:48,660
I want to be Ginger.
103
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,150
You mean
you're going with them?
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00:03:50,183 --> 00:03:52,203
A nanny's work
is never done.
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00:03:53,333 --> 00:03:55,333
Well, if you'll
all excuse me,
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00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:57,126
I have a life
to get on
with.
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00:03:57,166 --> 00:03:58,326
I have
a standing
invitation
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00:03:58,366 --> 00:03:59,996
with a certain senator.
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00:04:00,330 --> 00:04:02,430
Mm, what some politicians
won't do for a vote.
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00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,170
GRACE: ♪♪ Ooh-wee ♪♪
♪♪ Ooh-wee, baby ♪♪
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♪♪ Won't you let me
Take you on a sea cruise? ♪♪
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00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:17,120
Yeah!
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00:04:17,150 --> 00:04:19,150
Oh, they don't write 'em
like that anymore.
114
00:04:19,183 --> 00:04:22,663
I can't wait
to go
snorkeling.
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00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,130
Me too.
116
00:04:23,166 --> 00:04:24,376
Maggie floating
face-down in the water?
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00:04:24,416 --> 00:04:27,296
I'm there.
118
00:04:27,333 --> 00:04:29,403
Niles, you didn't have to
drive us to the airport.
119
00:04:29,433 --> 00:04:31,003
Oh, yes, I did, sir.
120
00:04:31,330 --> 00:04:33,180
If need be,
I would've carried you.
121
00:04:34,483 --> 00:04:37,163
Oh, I can't stand
driving backwards.
122
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:38,320
I get carsick.
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00:04:38,350 --> 00:04:40,330
Uh, Miss Babcock,
124
00:04:40,660 --> 00:04:42,250
would you mind
switching with me?
125
00:04:42,283 --> 00:04:44,223
Is it absolutely necessary?
126
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,400
Did you see
the pea soup scene
127
00:04:45,433 --> 00:04:47,273
inThe Exorcist?
128
00:04:48,283 --> 00:04:49,383
All right, all right.
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00:04:49,416 --> 00:04:51,096
Okay. Thank you.
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00:04:51,133 --> 00:04:53,103
Oh!
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00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:57,223
Oop, whoops!
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00:04:57,250 --> 00:04:58,300
You got a run
in your stocking.
133
00:04:58,333 --> 00:05:00,173
Oh, no.
It's just a spider vein.
134
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,450
Oh, these
lifeguards
are gorgeous.
135
00:05:05,483 --> 00:05:07,183
I can't wait to drown.
136
00:05:07,216 --> 00:05:08,996
Not that we're ever
going to get there
137
00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:10,270
with this traffic.
138
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,350
I know a shortcut.
139
00:05:11,383 --> 00:05:13,273
No. No, no. We'll stay
on the expressway.
140
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,350
It's the most direct route.
141
00:05:14,383 --> 00:05:15,453
Well, that's
what
my father said
142
00:05:15,483 --> 00:05:17,133
when we were on our way
to see Liza
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00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,656
at the
Westbury
Music Fair.
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00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:20,320
P.S.: We got
there
so late,
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00:05:20,350 --> 00:05:23,280
She was halfway through
her encore of "New
York."
146
00:05:23,316 --> 00:05:26,176
Don't you mean
"New York, New York"?
147
00:05:26,216 --> 00:05:28,276
That's how
late
we were.
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00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:34,660
MAXWELL: Miss Fine,
we've passed that same
derelict six times.
149
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,120
Are we there yet?
150
00:05:36,150 --> 00:05:39,300
I told you to go
before we left the house.
151
00:05:39,333 --> 00:05:42,003
I didn't have to go then.
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00:05:42,330 --> 00:05:43,100
Whatever you do,
153
00:05:43,133 --> 00:05:44,223
don't think about
rushing rivers
154
00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:45,430
or babbling brooks
155
00:05:45,466 --> 00:05:47,446
or waterfalls.
156
00:05:49,116 --> 00:05:52,426
♪♪ I'm singin' in the rain ♪♪
157
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:54,216
Is that a gas station?
158
00:05:54,250 --> 00:05:57,000
No.
159
00:05:57,330 --> 00:06:00,200
Say, where's Ronnie's
Slack Shack?
160
00:06:00,233 --> 00:06:02,133
Who cares?
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00:06:02,166 --> 00:06:03,376
Well, I'm losing
all my landmarks.
162
00:06:03,416 --> 00:06:06,656
Everything is white
from the snow.
163
00:06:07,830 --> 00:06:08,450
Oh, I know what
we'll do. I
know.
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00:06:08,483 --> 00:06:10,103
We'll go to my mother's.
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00:06:10,133 --> 00:06:11,273
From there, I could
find my way anywhere.
166
00:06:11,300 --> 00:06:12,420
Well, couldn't you
just pretend
167
00:06:12,450 --> 00:06:14,220
that you've just
left your mother's
168
00:06:14,250 --> 00:06:16,270
and are picking me
up here, on the way
to the airport?
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00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:17,420
Forget it!
170
00:06:17,450 --> 00:06:19,660
If you're taking me
away for the
weekend,
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00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:20,200
the least you could
do
is pick me up.
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00:06:20,233 --> 00:06:23,203
What kind of girl
do you think I am?
173
00:06:29,416 --> 00:06:30,476
What are you
doing here?
174
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,170
Where's
your bathroom?
175
00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,160
Oh, down the hall,
but don't use the rosette soaps.
176
00:06:34,500 --> 00:06:35,120
They're just for show.
177
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:37,120
The Glade is under the sink!
178
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:40,130
Your father
was just in there.
179
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:42,126
Oh...
180
00:06:42,166 --> 00:06:44,126
I have to go
too.
Where's your
other bathroom?
181
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:45,426
Oh, it's in the luncheonette
on the corner,
182
00:06:45,466 --> 00:06:47,246
but they make you
order something.
183
00:06:47,283 --> 00:06:50,123
I recommend
the grilled cheese.
184
00:06:50,150 --> 00:06:53,330
I am so sorry
for this intrusion, Mrs. Fine.
185
00:06:53,660 --> 00:06:54,150
Oh, not at all.
186
00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:56,253
It's an honor to
have you in our
house.
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00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,373
You couldn't call,
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00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,220
tell a person
that you're coming?
189
00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:01,000
I would've
Windexed the couch!
190
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:02,300
Ma!
191
00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:04,353
Mrs. Fine, please, don't go
to any trouble.
192
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:06,233
We'll only gonna be here
for a minute.
193
00:07:06,266 --> 00:07:07,346
We're on our way to the airport.
194
00:07:07,383 --> 00:07:08,423
Yeah.
195
00:07:08,450 --> 00:07:09,470
You mean
you haven't heard?
196
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:11,160
What?
Heard what?
197
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:12,400
I just saw it on TV.
198
00:07:12,433 --> 00:07:15,303
It's the worst blizzard
in 30 years.
199
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,323
Oh, it doesn't look that bad.
200
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:18,470
Oh, God.
201
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,660
Did Kathie Lee
come into the studio?
202
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:24,000
No.
Oh, it's bad!
203
00:07:24,330 --> 00:07:25,170
Yeah!
204
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,160
All the airports and the bridges
are closed.
205
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:29,120
What?
206
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:30,400
Are you telling me
we're
actually stuck here?
207
00:07:30,433 --> 00:07:32,163
What about our vacation?
208
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:33,330
The Caribbean-- feh!
209
00:07:33,366 --> 00:07:37,166
You never know when
there's a revolution, a coop.
210
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:40,330
You'll stay here
where you're nice and safe.
211
00:07:41,383 --> 00:07:44,003
So, are you hungry?
212
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:45,480
I could make a rump roast.
213
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:48,330
I got a tongue
in the freezer.
214
00:07:48,660 --> 00:07:49,480
What did she say?
215
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:52,500
Well, I am feeling
all refreshed
216
00:07:52,830 --> 00:07:53,380
and raring to go!
217
00:07:53,416 --> 00:07:55,216
Who's gonna tell her?
218
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:57,250
Oh, please, allow me.
219
00:07:58,250 --> 00:08:01,330
The bridges, airports,
and weekends with a senator
220
00:08:01,366 --> 00:08:03,376
have been shut down
due to the blizzard.
221
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,350
Good one, Niles.
222
00:08:08,383 --> 00:08:10,663
Let's go!
223
00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:14,830
Oh, I get it.
You're all in on it, huh?
224
00:08:14,116 --> 00:08:15,376
[GIGGLING]
225
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:18,266
Tell me he's joking!
226
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,150
It won't be so bad.
227
00:08:21,183 --> 00:08:23,403
Ma's gonna
boil
a tongue.
228
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,500
TELEVISION:
Wheel...
229
00:08:36,830 --> 00:08:37,370
Of...
230
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,160
Fortune!
231
00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:42,250
FRAN: What's Vanna
wearing?
232
00:08:42,283 --> 00:08:45,153
A blue short sequined décolleté.
233
00:08:45,183 --> 00:08:48,153
Oh,
that's
a rerun!
234
00:08:48,183 --> 00:08:51,103
Have you ever had
the opportunity
235
00:08:51,133 --> 00:08:52,233
of working
with Merv
Griffin?
236
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,326
Uh--
237
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:54,996
The man is brilliant.
238
00:08:55,330 --> 00:08:56,430
You know, he still
makes up the puzzles
239
00:08:56,466 --> 00:08:58,276
all by himself.
240
00:08:58,316 --> 00:09:00,216
He's a giant
in the industry.
241
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:03,350
Yeah, his weight
does go up and down,
242
00:09:03,383 --> 00:09:06,503
God bless him.
243
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:12,300
Oh, my goodness.
244
00:09:12,333 --> 00:09:14,203
Miss Fine,
what are you
wearing?
245
00:09:14,233 --> 00:09:16,173
Well, as far as I'm concerned,
246
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:19,470
our vacation
is starting right now.
247
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:22,150
Then I want a refund.
248
00:09:22,183 --> 00:09:25,183
Oh, there's always one
in the tour group.
249
00:09:26,283 --> 00:09:28,003
Miss Babcock,
250
00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:30,270
you've hardly touched
your tongue.
251
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,230
Actually,
I'm on a no-tongue diet.
252
00:09:33,266 --> 00:09:36,096
Oh, the senator
will be so disappointed.
253
00:09:38,266 --> 00:09:41,656
I think it's really good,
Mrs. Fine.
254
00:09:42,116 --> 00:09:44,226
Mm!
255
00:09:44,266 --> 00:09:47,266
Say, I know
what'll set the mood.
256
00:09:47,300 --> 00:09:51,230
How about a let's-get-acquainted
cocktail party?
257
00:09:51,266 --> 00:09:52,396
Who wants wine?
258
00:09:52,433 --> 00:09:54,403
Oh, absolutely!
Oh, please.
259
00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:56,473
Red or purple?
260
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,160
Don't you have
anything drier?
261
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,480
Um, Bailey's Irish Cream?
262
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:03,150
Perhaps for dessert.
263
00:10:03,183 --> 00:10:04,203
No!
264
00:10:04,233 --> 00:10:07,253
For dessert we're
having
Jell-O 1-2-3.
265
00:10:07,283 --> 00:10:09,663
Ma, I thought
they stopped making that
266
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,250
in the early '70s.
267
00:10:10,283 --> 00:10:11,483
Well, I've
been
saving it
268
00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:13,300
for a special occasion.
269
00:10:14,366 --> 00:10:16,476
If this doesn't
knock me out,
270
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,470
hit me
with the bottle.
271
00:10:29,466 --> 00:10:31,376
Hey, hey, hey,
little one.
272
00:10:31,416 --> 00:10:33,326
What did I say?
273
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:34,300
No swimming
in the ocean
274
00:10:34,333 --> 00:10:37,133
for two hours
after eating tongue.
275
00:10:37,166 --> 00:10:39,466
And you should
put on some sunblock.
276
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,220
You don't want
to blotch, do you?
277
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,150
One bam and mah jongg!
278
00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:47,003
This is terrifying.
279
00:10:47,330 --> 00:10:49,330
Are you telling me
this Gilligan chap
280
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,500
never gets off the island?
281
00:10:52,266 --> 00:10:53,476
He got off once,
282
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,370
but then they went back
with the Harlem Globetrotters.
283
00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,150
I think I'll go
and watch the game with Mortie.
284
00:10:59,183 --> 00:11:00,403
Well, keep your eyeglasses on.
285
00:11:00,433 --> 00:11:03,373
He's clipping his toenails,
and those suckers can fly.
286
00:11:05,250 --> 00:11:06,300
This is pathetic.
287
00:11:06,333 --> 00:11:07,433
Right now,
I should be windsurfing
288
00:11:07,466 --> 00:11:09,416
into the sunset
with this guy.
289
00:11:09,450 --> 00:11:13,380
His tanned... buff arms
around me.
290
00:11:13,416 --> 00:11:15,116
In your dreams.
291
00:11:15,150 --> 00:11:18,160
And even then,
I'll be watching you.
292
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,160
Don't feel so
bad,
Maggie.
293
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:21,830
[SHRIEKS]
294
00:11:21,116 --> 00:11:22,346
Excellent!
295
00:11:22,383 --> 00:11:24,483
Oh, that was so satisfying.
296
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,280
Brighton,
you are so immature.
297
00:11:27,316 --> 00:11:29,246
Did you find
the who-cut-the-cheese pillow?
298
00:11:29,283 --> 00:11:30,483
No!
299
00:11:32,150 --> 00:11:34,170
I'm in hell.
300
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:35,470
Join the club.
301
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,830
[DOORBELL BUZZES]
302
00:11:37,116 --> 00:11:38,326
SYLVIA: That's
the doorbell.
303
00:11:38,366 --> 00:11:41,216
Thanks, Ma.
We were all wondering.
304
00:11:43,183 --> 00:11:44,383
Oh, that's okay, Niles.
I'll get it.
305
00:11:44,416 --> 00:11:47,246
Oh, sorry.
Force of
habit.
306
00:11:47,283 --> 00:11:49,163
Oh, look!
307
00:11:49,500 --> 00:11:51,330
It's the cute cabaña boy.
308
00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:53,430
Hi, Kenny. What's up?
309
00:11:53,466 --> 00:11:55,466
How's your
parents?
What do you need?
310
00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:57,420
Not much. They're fine.
Fabric softener.
311
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:59,830
Oh...
312
00:11:59,116 --> 00:12:00,196
Come on in.
313
00:12:00,233 --> 00:12:02,203
Boy, look how big
you got.
314
00:12:02,233 --> 00:12:04,303
You really
grew into your ears.
315
00:12:04,333 --> 00:12:07,473
Well, I had that growth spurt
after my Bar Mitzvah.
316
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,120
Hey...
317
00:12:09,150 --> 00:12:12,280
You want to meet
a real liveshiksa
318
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:15,166
Kenny, this is Maggie.
Maggie, Kenny.
319
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,100
Hi.
Hi.
320
00:12:17,133 --> 00:12:19,253
Mix and mingle!
321
00:12:19,283 --> 00:12:20,423
We're stuck here.
322
00:12:20,450 --> 00:12:22,330
I've been stuck here
for 17 years.
323
00:12:22,366 --> 00:12:25,366
At least you get to leave
when the snow melts.
324
00:12:26,383 --> 00:12:27,483
Cool jeans.
325
00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,120
Oh, thanks. I got 'em
at Ronnie's Slack Shack.
326
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,320
Where is that place?
327
00:12:31,350 --> 00:12:33,660
It's on Union Turnpike,
328
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,270
right next door
to Vinnie's Jacket Racket.
329
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,130
Oh, yeah...
330
00:12:37,166 --> 00:12:39,326
By the Blouse House.
331
00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:42,196
Does anyone have
a sharp knife?
332
00:12:42,233 --> 00:12:44,233
Hey, you want to come down
to the new launderette?
333
00:12:44,266 --> 00:12:45,396
If you think I'm cute now,
334
00:12:45,433 --> 00:12:48,183
you should see me
under the fluorescent lights.
335
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:52,096
Oh, aren't they cute?
336
00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:54,423
It's just likeBlue Lagoon.
337
00:12:54,450 --> 00:12:58,370
She's Brooke Shields
and he's David Brenner.
338
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,320
He seemed like
a nice young man.
339
00:13:00,350 --> 00:13:02,270
If anyone wants my opinion--
340
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,370
Hands?
341
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:04,480
Niles...
342
00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,450
Sorry, sir, but every time
I try to get out,
343
00:13:07,483 --> 00:13:10,003
she pulls me back in.
344
00:13:10,433 --> 00:13:12,003
Say what you will,
345
00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:13,350
but this
is an iffy neighborhood.
346
00:13:13,383 --> 00:13:15,353
For all we know,
he could be a member of a gang.
347
00:13:15,383 --> 00:13:18,353
Oh, what gang?
The Oys in the 'Hood?
348
00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:25,153
I'm telling you,
this kid is a doll.
349
00:13:25,183 --> 00:13:26,253
His father invented
350
00:13:26,283 --> 00:13:27,403
the little
plastic
thingies
351
00:13:27,433 --> 00:13:29,203
on the ends
of
shoelaces.
352
00:13:29,233 --> 00:13:31,473
Oh, of course--
the lace-thingie heir.
353
00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,330
Where have you
been hiding him?
354
00:13:34,660 --> 00:13:36,170
Oh, stop.
Mr. Sheffield,
no.
355
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,120
It's your vacation.
Oh, I know,
356
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,230
and I'm having
such a lovely
time
357
00:13:39,266 --> 00:13:41,826
here in
the sitting
room,
358
00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:42,396
but I thought I'd
take
a little scenic
tour
359
00:13:42,433 --> 00:13:44,133
Oh, while
you're in there,
360
00:13:44,166 --> 00:13:46,246
will you pull out the capon
for tomorrow?
361
00:13:46,283 --> 00:13:47,333
And smear on
362
00:13:47,366 --> 00:13:50,116
some of the Campbell's
Creamy Mushroom.
363
00:13:51,483 --> 00:13:53,153
It is awfully nice
of your parents
364
00:13:53,183 --> 00:13:54,303
to take us in
like this.
365
00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,303
Well, that's the
kind
of people they
are.
366
00:13:56,333 --> 00:14:01,003
They consider you all family,
and when it comes to family,
367
00:14:01,330 --> 00:14:02,500
we Fines stick together.
368
00:14:02,830 --> 00:14:03,150
I'll tell you,
369
00:14:03,183 --> 00:14:05,003
there's more warmth
in this little apartment
370
00:14:05,330 --> 00:14:07,130
than in all
the Caribbean islands
371
00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:09,496
put together.
372
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:11,160
Oh, hello,
what's
this?
373
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:12,450
A fortune chicken?
374
00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:17,226
Oh, is that not
romantic?
375
00:14:17,266 --> 00:14:19,996
My father left my
mother
a love letter
376
00:14:20,330 --> 00:14:21,230
and stuffed it
in the chicken
377
00:14:21,266 --> 00:14:23,376
between the heart
and the giblets.
378
00:14:23,416 --> 00:14:26,266
Oh, isn't that...
Grotesque.
379
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:29,000
It's a little smeared.
Can you make that out?
380
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:30,230
Here...
381
00:14:30,266 --> 00:14:33,366
Uh, "My darling,
my passion for you...
382
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,150
lives forever."
383
00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:38,123
Oh, I can just
weep from the beauty
384
00:14:38,150 --> 00:14:40,280
that is my
parents'
union.
385
00:14:40,316 --> 00:14:43,396
"Yours forever,
Paul Zelaznik."
386
00:14:43,433 --> 00:14:45,303
Paul Zelaznik?
387
00:14:46,266 --> 00:14:47,366
Who's Paul Zelaznik?
388
00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:50,370
The butcher.
Oh, my God!
389
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,450
Is my mother
having an
affair?
390
00:14:52,483 --> 00:14:55,423
SYLVIA:
Fran!
Fran?
391
00:14:55,450 --> 00:14:57,000
Here, here!
392
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,660
I don't want it!
393
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,450
I was thinking...
394
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,180
Daddy's not in the mood
for chicken.
395
00:15:03,216 --> 00:15:04,476
Oh, can you blame him?
396
00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:06,430
So I thought I'd make spaghetti.
397
00:15:06,466 --> 00:15:08,366
Make sure
there's enough ketchup.
398
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400
All right.
399
00:15:10,433 --> 00:15:13,223
My mother
and the
butcher.
400
00:15:13,250 --> 00:15:14,400
Could this be happening?
401
00:15:14,433 --> 00:15:15,433
Oh, come on,
Miss Fine.
402
00:15:15,466 --> 00:15:17,326
We don't know
for certain
403
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:18,270
that note was
meant
for your mother.
404
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,370
I mean, there
are
plenty of ways
405
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:21,500
it could've gotten
into the chicken.
406
00:15:21,830 --> 00:15:22,180
How? It sat on it?
407
00:15:22,216 --> 00:15:23,466
There you go!
408
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:25,500
SYLVIA:
Oh, God!
409
00:15:25,830 --> 00:15:27,380
Everyone, come and see!
410
00:15:32,330 --> 00:15:33,420
I hope no
great
expectations
411
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:35,430
accompany this outfit.
412
00:15:37,216 --> 00:15:40,826
I bought this for Daddy
to wear in the Poconos.
413
00:15:40,116 --> 00:15:42,996
Poor guy was
living
in a fool's
paradise.
414
00:15:44,133 --> 00:15:45,283
Thanks for your help.
415
00:15:45,316 --> 00:15:47,116
You know,
if this heiress thing
doesn't work out,
416
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:49,480
you could have a great career
in fluffing and folding.
417
00:15:50,160 --> 00:15:52,160
Thanks, Kenny.
Shalom!
418
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,230
MAGGIE:
Oh...
419
00:15:54,266 --> 00:15:57,216
You know, I hear Jewish men
make excellent husbands.
420
00:15:57,250 --> 00:15:59,220
I wonder who
she heard that from.
421
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,370
Probably Niles.
422
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,150
He's always buzzing
something in her
ear.
423
00:16:03,183 --> 00:16:06,103
Don't you think Kenny
looks just like Luke Perry?
424
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:08,100
Poor thing.
425
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,333
She's as blind
as my father.
426
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,380
NILES: Ow!
427
00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:19,396
Shh! You're gonna wake up
Mr. Sheffield!
428
00:16:19,433 --> 00:16:21,483
Oh, it's all right.
I'm already awake.
429
00:16:22,160 --> 00:16:25,220
Brighton's having that
kickboxing dream again.
430
00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,320
Brighton. Brighton... honey...
431
00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:29,250
Go sleep with your sisters.
432
00:16:29,283 --> 00:16:30,453
C.C.'s in there.
433
00:16:30,483 --> 00:16:33,233
Well, she's used to
getting
kicked out of bed.
434
00:16:35,330 --> 00:16:36,660
Ow!
435
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,330
Oh, I'm sorry.
436
00:16:37,366 --> 00:16:40,226
Oh... peace at last.
437
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:43,996
Oh, for heaven's sakes!
438
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:46,170
Miss Fine...
Ow!
439
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,420
Oh, sorry, old man.
440
00:16:48,450 --> 00:16:51,230
Even Gilligan had a hammock.
441
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,350
Miss Fine,
it's 3 a.m.
442
00:16:55,383 --> 00:16:58,503
Who can sleep?
443
00:16:58,830 --> 00:16:59,320
Well, I wouldn't mind
having a crack at it.
444
00:16:59,350 --> 00:17:03,500
Look at this picture
of my mother and
father
445
00:17:03,830 --> 00:17:05,350
at their
30th
anniversary.
446
00:17:05,383 --> 00:17:07,223
You think
you know someone!
447
00:17:07,250 --> 00:17:09,280
Who is this
stranger
I call Ma?
448
00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:12,126
Same person
she always was--
449
00:17:12,166 --> 00:17:13,316
the one
who made this house
450
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,320
warmer than all the islands
in the Caribbean.
451
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:17,660
Oh yeah.
452
00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:19,330
Did she have to warm
up
half of Queens too?
453
00:17:19,366 --> 00:17:22,656
Don't you realize
the entire
foundation
454
00:17:22,100 --> 00:17:24,100
by which I judge
all relationships
455
00:17:24,133 --> 00:17:26,323
is just
crumbling
before my eyes?
456
00:17:26,350 --> 00:17:27,370
Oh, Miss Fine,
you don't need
457
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,480
to lose your faith
in marriage
458
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,220
just because your mother
turns out to be human.
459
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:33,480
Oh, there was
a Jerry Vale
tape
460
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:35,230
in the veal!
461
00:17:47,116 --> 00:17:49,276
Maxwell, I hope
you don't mind,
462
00:17:49,316 --> 00:17:51,476
but Brighton
insisted
we trade places.
463
00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:58,500
Ah... There.
464
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,330
If you're looking
for the hot water bottle,
465
00:18:02,660 --> 00:18:04,200
that's not it.
466
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,170
More sausage?
467
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,100
Breakfast steak?
468
00:18:17,133 --> 00:18:19,163
Eat up, eat up!
469
00:18:19,500 --> 00:18:21,330
You'd love that, wouldn't
you? The faster we eat,
470
00:18:21,660 --> 00:18:23,180
the sooner you could
go "shopping."
471
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,430
I'm through
dusting,
Mrs. Fine.
472
00:18:26,466 --> 00:18:29,116
Can I be of
any further
service?
473
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,280
Ma, you're not
474
00:18:30,316 --> 00:18:32,176
making her play
"cleaning girl," are you?
475
00:18:32,216 --> 00:18:33,296
She does a good job.
476
00:18:33,333 --> 00:18:35,423
I can see myself in the couch.
477
00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:39,100
At the end of the
day,
I get paid a dollar.
478
00:18:39,133 --> 00:18:41,133
A dollar, Ma?
479
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:43,316
Well, she's got no experience.
480
00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:45,430
Unlike some people I know.
481
00:18:45,466 --> 00:18:48,196
What are you talking about?
Like you don't know.
482
00:18:48,233 --> 00:18:50,333
Fran, I'd like to see you
in the kitchen.
483
00:18:50,366 --> 00:18:52,416
No, Ma, I'd like to see
you in the kitchen.
484
00:18:52,450 --> 00:18:54,180
Fine, have
it
your way.
485
00:18:59,160 --> 00:19:00,350
What's with you?
What's with you?
486
00:19:00,383 --> 00:19:01,473
Me?
Me?
487
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,180
What's withyou?
What's withyou?
488
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,120
Excuse us!
489
00:19:07,150 --> 00:19:08,380
We'll start lunch.
490
00:19:10,433 --> 00:19:13,833
Okay, Ma, I want to know
for once and for all,
491
00:19:13,116 --> 00:19:14,316
what is going on
here?
492
00:19:14,350 --> 00:19:16,180
What are you
talking
about?
493
00:19:16,216 --> 00:19:19,326
Oh! Chopped sirloin!
Extra lean!
494
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,280
Look at this.
495
00:19:20,316 --> 00:19:22,446
Paulie the
butcher
takes very good
care of me.
496
00:19:22,483 --> 00:19:24,123
Well, I'll bet.
497
00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:27,170
Oh, lookie here--
mail's in.
498
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,370
Fran, have you been
going through my meat?
499
00:19:30,366 --> 00:19:32,146
It's not
what you
think.
500
00:19:32,183 --> 00:19:33,453
Ma, you and the butcher?
501
00:19:33,483 --> 00:19:35,203
How could you?
502
00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:37,833
Fran, you're blowing it
all out of proportion.
503
00:19:37,116 --> 00:19:39,326
All we do is--
Oh, please, no details!
504
00:19:39,366 --> 00:19:41,446
Once I get a picture
in my head...
505
00:19:41,483 --> 00:19:44,153
It's just a little
innocent flirting.
506
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,103
You mean you're not
having an affair?
507
00:19:46,133 --> 00:19:47,373
No, of course not.
508
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,120
He winks at me,
509
00:19:49,150 --> 00:19:52,350
and I tell him
what a nice rump he has today,
510
00:19:52,383 --> 00:19:55,403
and I-- I get a roast
half-price.
511
00:19:55,433 --> 00:19:58,003
Ma, you tramp.
512
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,200
Hey, we're on
a fixed income
here.
513
00:20:00,233 --> 00:20:02,353
Yeah, well, what would Daddy say
if he found out?
514
00:20:02,383 --> 00:20:04,223
He knows.
515
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:06,130
Sometimes he comes down,
516
00:20:06,166 --> 00:20:08,376
and he watches Paulie
give me the meat.
517
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:15,320
This is like
a really badGeraldo.
518
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,470
You can make fun
because you're
young.
519
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:21,430
You're still
turning
heads.
520
00:20:21,466 --> 00:20:24,126
For me,
not so much anymore,
521
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:28,196
but when Paul Zelaznik
winks at me with his good eye,
522
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,160
I feel young again too.
523
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,173
What's the matter?
524
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,830
I think I can live
with this...
525
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:40,300
As long as you and Daddy
still love each other.
526
00:20:40,333 --> 00:20:42,133
Of course we do,
527
00:20:42,166 --> 00:20:44,196
and I'll tell you
a little secret.
528
00:20:44,233 --> 00:20:47,003
Your father and
I
have better sex
529
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,130
with a full freezer.
530
00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:50,246
Ma, I'm getting
a picture!
531
00:20:50,283 --> 00:20:52,433
There'll be no sleeping
tonight.
532
00:20:58,216 --> 00:20:59,326
Wheel...
533
00:20:59,366 --> 00:21:00,366
Of...
534
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,300
Fortune!
535
00:21:03,250 --> 00:21:05,320
Come on, Ma! It's a new one!
536
00:21:05,350 --> 00:21:08,500
Here,
Brighton,
try this.
537
00:21:08,830 --> 00:21:10,500
Mm. Not bad.
What is it?
538
00:21:10,830 --> 00:21:12,230
Stuffed derma. Delish.
539
00:21:12,266 --> 00:21:14,366
What's a derma?
Skin.
540
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,250
No, sweetheart,
it's not skin.
541
00:21:16,283 --> 00:21:17,403
It's intestines.
542
00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:20,483
Mortie, get out
of the bathroom!
543
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:23,400
I thought
after med school
544
00:21:23,433 --> 00:21:25,503
I'd go
into stand-up comedy,
545
00:21:25,830 --> 00:21:26,430
sort of a big joke
on my parents.
546
00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:31,163
Oh, buy a
vowel,
you twit.
547
00:21:31,433 --> 00:21:33,433
So everything's sorted out
with your parents?
548
00:21:33,466 --> 00:21:35,656
Oh, yeah.
549
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:36,380
They're like
the Rock of
Gibraltar.
550
00:21:36,416 --> 00:21:39,326
I don't know what you
were so worried about.
551
00:21:39,660 --> 00:21:42,660
Can we come back here next year
for our vacation?
552
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,280
Yes, we are having
a good time, aren't we?
553
00:21:44,316 --> 00:21:46,376
That's because
we're all
together.
554
00:21:46,416 --> 00:21:48,366
Ah, who needs
the Caribbean anyway?
555
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,830
The roads are clear!
The airport's open!
556
00:21:52,116 --> 00:21:55,156
All right, kids, pack it up.
We're out of this dump.
557
00:21:56,150 --> 00:21:58,200
[MUSIC PLAYING]
558
00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:11,160
ALL: ♪♪ Ooh-wee
Ooh-wee, baby ♪♪
559
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:13,300
♪♪ Ooh-wee, ooh-wee, baby ♪♪
560
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,333
♪♪ Ooh-wee
Ooh-wee, baby ♪♪
561
00:22:16,660 --> 00:22:18,480
♪♪ Won't you let me
Take you on a sea cruise? ♪♪
562
00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,660
[FRAN LAUGHING]
563
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:22,320
FRAN: Where's Brighton?
564
00:22:22,350 --> 00:22:24,660
More tongue?
565
00:22:24,100 --> 00:22:26,120
Ah!